Instructions for the Married and Umarried

Jesus doesn’t just get us, He saves us! He can radically change our lives. He doesn’t leave us where we are at and change our allegiances. He transforms us as He sanctifies us and makes us holy. Paul after describing behaviours that don’t belong in nor will inherit the kingdom of God says, “For that is what some of you were.” (1 Corinthians 6:11) He should know as He was a former persecutor of the church. But Jesus bought Paul and you and I with His own blood. We are not our own. “Our souls and our bodies are holy and when we separate them from sin and devote them wholly who the Lord, do His will and His alone.” As Pastor Kyle taught us last week from 1 Corinthians 7:17-24, “serve Jesus exactly where He has called you.” So today if you are here listening as a spiritual person, Jesus was the most spiritual person to ever live because He was the only person to be a Spirit before becoming human. He did this because “God is Spirit and those who worship Him, worship Him in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24) If you are feeling hostile to Christ like the Apostle Paul today, Jesus will love you as His enemy and could become your Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). If you are religious, Jesus is the only One who ultimately reconnects (re-ligio = re-ligament) to God (John 14:6). If you are animistic and believe the problem in the world is evil spirits, then please know that Jesus died on a Cross and rose again to destroy the work of the devil (1 John 3:8). You don’t have to live in fear anymore. If you are Hindu and see the problem in the world is that we are not enlightened, then Jesus is better as He is the light of the world (John 1:3-5; 8:12). If you are a Buddhist today, and see the problem in the world today is suffering coming from desire, then Jesus is the suffering servant who overcame His desire by praying to God the Father, “Not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). If you a Muslim and see the greatest problem in the world is selfishness and a lack of submission to God, then remember that Jesus humbled Himself, took on the role of a servant and was obedient to God, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:5-8). If you are Jew and see the greatest problems in the world today are broken relationships, then discover that Jesus is the one meditator between God and humans (1 Timothy 2:5). I’m praying that you will see this vision of Jesus. Jesus doesn’t just get us; He saves us and changes our lives here on earth. And therefore, we should See Jesus Christ as our ultimate allegiance. We often have allegiances to our family or friends or work or school. Jesus Christ must become our ultimate allegiance. This is the big idea of our passage today from 1 Corinthians 7:25-40. If you don’t have a Bible, please raise your hand and we would love to give one to you. Having Jesus Christ as your ultimate allegiance will transform your reason for living and transform your relationships. Like today in our society, people in first century Corinth lived in confusing times about marriage and sexuality. Let’s read 1 Corinthians 7:25—40 to find gospel instructions for the married and unmarried! Read 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 and pray!

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man, in position of a good fortune, must be in want a wife.” Who said that? Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice! The Corinthians never read Jane Austen. Instead, they read the Scriptures and they had questions for the Apostle Paul. Some had been rescued from what we today would call sexual addiction and trauma and wanted to avoid sex altogether. “Some believed having sex with their unbelieving spouse defiled them.” So they had questions.  “The Corinthians questions for the Apostle Paul: 1) “Must a Christian get married? and then on other hand, 2) “What about the unmarried women in the church who are not getting any younger?” They wanted to know whether a father with his daughter or a fiancé engaged a time to his fiancée should “keep her a virgin,” literally “The flower of her age” or as Dr. Kenneth Wuest translates it, “Past the bloom of her youth.” Here is Paul’s simple answer: “Above all things hold fast to the Lord.” As one commentator says, “Paul’s chief purpose is to provoke among the Corinthians the fullest devotion to the Lord on the part of each individual.” See Jesus Christ as your ultimate allegiance! Virginity is to be rightly valued. However, may we are focus not on the flower of virginity, but on the Creator who made us all virgins in the first place. Too many are focused on trying to keep their marriage or give it up in marriage. Our focus needs to be on Jesus.

Let’s walk through this passage and see how our allegiance to Christ affects our reason for living and our relationships. To recap, let’s just go back through the entire letter for a moment. The Corinthian church was corrupt – they were divided, immoral even tolerating incestuous relationships, and they sued one another. The Apostle Paul, who once hated and hunted Christians, now understands that He was bought by God. That reminds me of a term that we used to use in church world – “I am sold out for Jesus.” It meant to be all in for the Lord. However, technically people don’t sell ourselves to Jesus, only to the devil. We cannot ransom ourselves, but Jesus came and bought us from the slave markt of sin. He paid the price and gave His life as a ransom for many. We can’t! So don’t be a sell-out. Instead, remember Jesus sold Himself for us. Christ owns you, not owes you! This was Paul’s watershed statement in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and then Paul goes onto explain the practical implications in the second most intimate relationship – marriage. Who owns you? That depends if you are married or not! If single, you are owned by Christ alone with Christ as the majority owner. If you are married, you are owned by Christ as the majority owner with your spouse being a minority owner, but equal to your share. The question is: did Jesus overpay to own you? No! He believed shedding His blood was worth it and not just for your sake, but for what He is doing on a cosmic scale. John Mark Comer explains, “Apprenticeship to Jesus is about turning your body into a temple, a place of overlap between heaven and earth – an advance sign of what one day Jesus will do for the entire cosmos, when heaven and earth are at long last reunited as one. This is the single most extraordinary opportunity in the entire universe: to let your body become God’s home. And it’s set before you every single day.”

And this applies to food, exercise, what we watch, say, listen to and our sexuality. When we start with the premise that Christ owns us, it changes our priorities and practices for our entire lives. Jesus is our master and our ultimate allegiance. As Paul does, let’s see how our allegiance to Christ affects our singleness. Like Adam, every human is single for at least part of their lives. Think about it. We start out single, even if our parents pre-arranged our marriage. Then some of us get married with the understanding that “marriage shall only be dissolved by death.” Those that lose their spouse to death or abandonment become single again. Singleness is something every human has in common. Which is why we as a church need to do a better job of embracing and valuing single people. Both Catholics and Protestants have gone into the ditch on both sides of the road in regard to how they treat singles. “Roman Catholicism has insisted on celibacy for its clergy even though not all are gifted to be so; on the other hand, many Protestant groups will not ordain the single pastor because marriage is the norm and the single minister are not quite trusted.” Church, how could we love single people better? Many churches are very family oriented including ours, but let’s put God’s spiritual family first. In fact, as one Bible teacher has said, “The church is a family of families.” However, those families should include single people. Jesus, Paul, Timothy, Mary Magdalene and then the widowed Mary, the Mother of Jesus were all single. These examples evidence that “singleness is not a moral failing or a cause for shame,” but devotion to God.

Let’s look further at what Paul says in verses 25-26, which was so countercultural to the times and still is – see Christ as your ultimate allegiance when you are: 1) single and free (v. 8, 25-26, 28, 32, 35). There was great pressure in that day to get married whether one was a Jew or Gentile. Some scholars debate, “Did Greek or Roman customs prevail in the Corinth of the day?” We can’t know for sure, but many of the Corinthian Christians had a Jewish background, which would have been emphasized marriage. Getting married was how one passed on the family name and land. Paul may have shocked the church when he answered the Corinthians’ question in verses 25-26, “Now concerning virgins – That always gets one attention –  I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress that it is good for a man to remain as he is” – meaning single. Paul is saying this is a matter of opinion, “Paul was not laying down an ironclad rule for everybody,” but then he goes on to explain what he thinks is best – being single like him. Why? “Paul gives reasons why it is generally preferable for single people: 1) Single people have fewer everyday problems than married people, unless they are parents (v. 28, 33); 2) Because the end is near, Christians ought not let marriage and the things of the world be their dominant concern (v. 26, 31); and 3) Because marriage has more earthly responsibility and divided interests, those who choose to remain single can devote their lives more fully to Christ (v. 35).” Verse 32 says that this is a way to be free from anxieties. Some of the married people just got elbowed because their spouse learned that they are the cause of anxiety. That’s free advice without the therapist’s bill.

But freedom is not licentiousness. Singleness is not supposed to equal selfishness. Singleness is so one can be more singular in seeing Christ as one’s ultimate allegiance.  There is more freedom to serve God and His forever family. I met two young men on planes this week who are single and have freedom to work, pursue their interests and travel, and yet were lonely so they were going to see their families. As Christian singles, see Christ as your ultimate allegiance by devoting yourself to the Lord and that you have a church family. Gina DalFonzo writes on behalf of Christian singles, “The whole world seems to be obsessed with sex – and believe me, when you’re not having sex, that is something you’re very much aware of – the church of God gives us something the world can’t. Those teachings and expectations remind us that we don’t have to be obsessed with sex and in a paradoxical way, they set us free. They help us stay off the crazy, broken merry-go-round of hookups and one-night stands and relationships with no real depth or foundation. I’m not saying it’s all a picnic in the park. We’ve seen that the church has its own problems when it comes to helping establish a healthy singles scene. What I am saying is that when the church teaches sexuality based on the Word of God, and even more when it helps hold us accountable for following those teachings, it gives us something important and valuable – something that’s very hard to find outside the church.” That something is actually a Someone – Jesus Christ. 

Let me pause and address a question that came up in verses 26 – what is this present distress that would deter or delay people from getting married? Paul doesn’t tell us so we are left to speculate that it was probably persecution or poverty, both situations making it hard to provide for a family. Some today say that the world is to evil to get married and have kids. Warren Wiersbe best explains in Corinth, “The situation might become so difficult that those already married will have to live as though they were not married.” Maybe they would be imprisoned and separated? Gina Dalfonzo explains, “Being in a relationship as close as marriage and yet feeling emotionally estranged from one’s spouse must be a special kind of pain.” Marital loneliness may be one of the worst kinds of loneliness. This is why Paul’s message is “Stay as you are” (v. 17). “We should learn to sit loose to all earthly ties.”  However, if a person does decide to marry a fellow believer that is not sinful.  “As there is no sin in marriage and no superior virtue in celibacy, it is a mere question of expediency, to be determined by the circumstances of each particular case.”  Singleness allows us to devote ourselves more to Jesus’ practices of rest, solitude, prayer, study of God’s Word, fasting, fellowship and generosity. 

See Jesus as your ultimate allegiance when you are single and free, but also 2) married and bound (v. 27, 33-34).  Look at verses 27, “Are you bound to a wife?” Guard your hearts because wanting to be released from marriage shows the hardness of your heart (Matthew 19:8). There are some who would want to be released from marriage through legal separation while technically not committing the sin or have the stigma of divorce. Paul says stay with your spouse and don’t seek to be free. Furthermore, if you are married, Jesus should still be your ultimate allegiance. Jesus declared this in Luke 14:26, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” The word “hate” there is hyperbole and is used as a contrast. Jesus has to be # 1 in our lives. “It is possible to please both the Lord and your mate, if you are yielded to Christ and obeying the Word.” So following Jesus should not be an excuse for a sexless or uncaring marriage. Instead, our marriages should model Christ’s love for the church. We should be our spouses’ number one intercessor and prayer partner. In full transparency, that it is hard sometimes. Lori and I have to make time for prayer. Romance and marriage experts encourage couples to get away for a weekend together without the kids. I think the practice as an apprentice of Jesus is to go away and pray and play together. Lori and did that this past week and have learned that we have to literally get far enough away where we can’t run home for emergencies. 

See Jesus as your ultimate allegiance when you are single and free, married and bound, but also 3) engaged and hesitant (v. 27, 36-38). Notice the second part of verse 27, “Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.” I admit that I struggle with this verse as a father. I want my children to get married and have reacted too strongly to the world’s thinking that marriage means nothing and one should go so their sow their wild oats. However, maybe we are putting too much pressure on our young people to get married as if marriage is the great sanctifier. That is the Holy Spirit’s job, not marriage. 

Marriage is important, but not ultimate. Sex is important and the most sexually satisfied are married Christians according to one statistic, but sex and marriage need to be rightly ordered under love for Jesus first. This why Paul goes onto say in verses 36-38, “36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.” NASB emphasizes the “father” giving permission for his daughter to marry, while the NIV and ESV places the decision with the “fiancé”. This is not just a call for men to step up and get married. It is about self-control that was already discussed in verse 9 – it is better to marry than to burn. Warren Wiersbe has some great questions for the engaged, “If marriage is being contemplated, ask: 1) What is my gift – singleness or marriage? 2) Am I marrying a believer? 3) Are the circumstances such that marriage is right? 4) How will marriage affect my service for Christ? 5) Am I prepared to enter into this union for life?”

All these questions are good in relation to marriage. The big question is your ultimate allegiance to Jesus? He is the one who died for you. Who rose for you! Who you will get to be your ultimate relationship for all eternity. 

WRAP-UP – We have our Elders here to pray with you. I am going to be in the corner next to the sound booth for a Q & A.

Recommended Resources: 

• The Meaning of Marriage by Tim & Kathy Keller
• The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint: A Christian Man’s Guide to Attraction, Relationships and Marriage in a Messed-up World by Stephen Casper
• Unwanted by Jay Stringer
• One by One: Welcoming Singles in Your Church by Gina Dalfonzo

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